September 7, 2011
Dear Bryan,
Life has been busy since Tabitha was born. She was born one week and two days ago. Her full name is Tabitha Bryanna Rose deWit and she’s beautiful. I really wish you could be here to see her because I know you would love her. And, as expected, some family has already given me flack about adopting her.SANITIZED
I could just cry right now. I wish you were here to talk to about it because I know you would understand. You would tell me that it’s okay and that you loved me and that we were doing the right thing. You were always right there with me in the corner. ::SIGH:: This is all so hard and I’m tired of trying to fight for things that I shouldn’t have to fight for. You would totally get where I’m coming from and you would know how bad I felt. Or if you didn’t know how bad I felt, you would at least hold my hand or hug me and tell me it was going to be okay.
SANITIZED
Oh, Bryan, you would have understood my dismay and my sadness and my tears; why did you have to leave? I wish you could come back to us because we all miss you so much! You were my sexy guy and I need you so much.
I have something exciting to tell you; my Mom brought over a smaller bike for Isaiah and he looked at it and said, “I think I can ride that without training wheels” and he jumped on it and rode it! He was SO proud of himself! Once again, it made me wish you were here because you would have loved it. You would have watched him and said something like, “Way to go, Punk!” Of course, he had to ride the bike most of that night and he rode it today when he got home from school, too. He’s such a cute little kid.
Isaiah started first grade yesterday. He still kept saying that he didn’t want to go to first grade and he wanted to be homeschooled, but I think by that he meant he wanted to watch t.v. all day and play. LOL I was really sad because there was a little girl at the bus stop who was starting Kindergarten and her brother who was starting third grade and their Dad stopped by to see them off. His little girl said, “Daddy” and ran over to her Dad and he picked her up and hugged her and hugged her over again. It made me so sad because Isaiah won’t ever be able to hug you like that again. I know he still has me, but he loved his Daddy so much and it makes me wonder again why you had to leave us.
Anyway, I asked Isaiah what he liked about first grade and he told me recess! He was impressed that he got TWO recesses a day now instead of one like he got in Kindergarten; he’s such a funny kid. I love that little boy so much, when he’s not being annoying, that is. LOL He also told me he likes sleeping in his clothes because then he doesn’t have to change his clothes in the morning; he just needs to put clean socks on! The boy cracks me up so much. I woke him up today for school and he told me he was tired and he wanted to sleep more. I told him that he had to get up and he accused me of taking his socks when he had left them downstairs the night before! THEN he told me he had a stomach ache and he wanted to stay home. I again told him he had to get up and he said he would get up, but he wasn’t going to get on the bus. LOL I was laughing inside so much as he was doing his ‘antics’. Then he asked if he could ride his bike while he was waiting for the bus and I said ‘yes’. Once the bus came, he got right on it so I guess he forgot about his stomach ache. Ha, ha, ha….
I SO wish you were here so I could tell you funny stories like that because you enjoyed them so much. You also ‘got’ my sense of humor and you had the same wicked sense of humor. D was telling me about one time she was going to kill herself in her garage with her dog and she called her counselor from the garage and told him about it. He told her to go in the house and call him back so he knew she was okay. She said she came to her senses and went in the house, but she forgot to call him. Then she told me that there was a knock at her door about 10 or 15 minutes later and someone was looking through her windows. D said it was the police looking for a dead body. I asked her if she laid down on the floor really still to freak them out and she didn’t laugh at all. YOU would have cracked up like crazy at that one. I wouldn’t have had to explain it to you at all. Once again, it just made me totally sad that I didn’t have anyone to laugh with about the little things in life like that. D didn't even really GET my humor in the situation at all.
We’ve been going to Gilda’s Club lately. It makes me sad, but it’s good to be with other people who ‘get’ it. I talked about S tonight and how she’s holding your things hostage. Once we find a lawyer who can help us out with the trust stuff, I’m going to ask them to send her a letter saying I want my things back. I don’t care if she gets pissed; I am sick of her holding things over my head. It’s not right for her to say she’s not giving back the Sirrius radio and CB and inverter unless I give the generator back.
I don’t care if I need to PAY the lawyer to get them back; she’s pissed me off too much to back down at this point. I guess I just need to ‘channel my inner bitch’ now and take her on. Speaking of that, Matt came over tonight and said there was only one thing of Bruce’s that you had and he’s going to bring it back to Shirley. He SAID he would call her tomorrow so I hope he does. I don’t want Shirley or ANYONE pawing through your things and I’m not going to allow her over here at all. I don’t trust her one bit. I asked her to write me up a list of what you supposedly had that was Bruce’s and she hasn’t done it yet. I just wish someone would man up and take on the bitch because she NEEDS to be taken down a few pegs. I suppose I shouldn’t talk about your sister like that, but if you don’t like it; you should just come back and tell me so! :)
I asked Jenn and Jaki if they could talk to Shirley to get the things she’s holding hostage and neither one of them were willing to talk to her. They both said it wasn’t any of their business. It frustrates me that NO ONE will take Shirley on at all and they just allow her to continue pushing people around and taking advantage of them. Do you remember me telling you how many family owned businesses fail in the third generation and you said you were going to retire before the business went under? Well, I guess you DID retire, but not in the way we thought you would. I reminded Jenn of the conversation you had with her about retiring and how she said she might retire first. I guess you really did beat her to retiring first. I wish you wouldn’t have, though! Oh, for those reading along who are wondering how many businesses fail in the third generation only 12% succeed so you do the math. Oh, and only FOUR PERCENT last into the 4th generation. I find those figures staggering. And the biggest reason why businesses fail is because the 3rd generation is GIVEN the businesses and they don’t have to work for it. I think we can all agree that that is the case with Nick and Amy. There is SO much dead wood at the business that it’s not even funny. It makes me really glad that when the trust isn’t tied to how well the nursery is doing. Well, that is when it finally gets settled and done with; it seems like it’s going to take FOREVER to get started at this point.
Kathi and I met with a lawyer on Tuesday to see if she could help us get things rolling with the Trust and the lawyer who wrote up the will. We keep asking him for things and he ‘hasn’t been able to put his hands on them’; it annoys me to death. I think he’s dragging his feet because he doesn’t WANT us to have the paperwork on the lease payments. I’m pushing for those to get paid out and I don’t really CARE if I have to sue the nursery to get them, either. Anyway, the lawyer couldn’t help us, but she’s going to call around and see if she can find a lawyer who CAN help us. And she said she could write up a will for me when I get to that point. I just need to figure out what to do about the house and who would be guardians for the minor children. Tiffany is out and Elisha and Solomon aren’t old enough or mature enough to do it. I wish I knew what I should do about things like that; this is all so much to deal with.
Kathi and I met with a lawyer on Tuesday to see if she could help us get things rolling with the Trust and the lawyer who wrote up the will. We keep asking him for things and he ‘hasn’t been able to put his hands on them’; it annoys me to death. I think he’s dragging his feet because he doesn’t WANT us to have the paperwork on the lease payments. I’m pushing for those to get paid out and I don’t really CARE if I have to sue the nursery to get them, either. Anyway, the lawyer couldn’t help us, but she’s going to call around and see if she can find a lawyer who CAN help us. And she said she could write up a will for me when I get to that point. I just need to figure out what to do about the house and who would be guardians for the minor children. Tiffany is out and Elisha and Solomon aren’t old enough or mature enough to do it. I wish I knew what I should do about things like that; this is all so much to deal with.
Kathi and I met with a lawyer on Tuesday to see if she could help us get things rolling with the Trust and the lawyer who wrote up the will. We keep asking him for things and he ‘hasn’t been able to put his hands on them’; it annoys me to death. I think he’s dragging his feet because he doesn’t WANT us to have the paperwork on the lease payments. I’m pushing for those to get paid out and I don’t really CARE if I have to sue the nursery to get them, either. Anyway, the lawyer couldn’t help us, but she’s going to call around and see if she can find a lawyer who CAN help us. And she said she could write up a will for me when I get to that point. I just need to figure out what to do about the house and who would be guardians for the minor children. Tiffany is out and Elisha and Solomon aren’t old enough or mature enough to do it. I wish I knew what I should do about things like that; this is all so much to deal with.
Eventually, I need to figure out what to put on your gravestone, too. It might take me a while to figure it out because it’s a BIG decision. I also need to be getting a little bit more money before I get it because I need to pay for the cemetery plot first. Everything is so.darn.expensive. I couldn’t believe how expensive baby swings are so I haven’t gotten the one I want for Tabitha yet. I need to make sure all of the bills are paid and on time first and then figure out how much money I’ll be getting every month. I’m kind of worried about bills, but I’m trying really hard NOT to be. I don’t think you ever thought you would be leaving me to deal with all of this stuff, either. It just amazes me how many little details I’ve had to deal with.
Although there is nothing good about you being gone, I have had some wonderful ‘silver linings’ and some helpful people; for lack of a better way to put it. Kathi has been SO helpful and I don’t know what I would do without her. And my Rav family has been so awesome that I can’t even put into words how awesome they are. I’m not sure if I told you yet that they had an on-line auction for me. I love them so much and I wake up every day and thank God for them. They are so awesome and I can’t thank them enough for what they did. The money enabled me to pay for three months of insurance so the baby would be covered at birth and the hospital bills would be covered. It has been so wonderful to know that they love me so much. It’s also great to know that there are wonderful people in this world who care about others so much. I know that probably sounds like I’m going overboard, but I’m really not because I get all teary eyed and choked up when I think about them and all they did for me.
I think that’s enough for now, I love you.
Your wife, Karyn 