January 30, 2014

Dear Bryan,

Today is your birthday. I've thought of you all day long. I've missed you as much today as I do every day. I told myself that I wasn't going to cry or be sad today so instead I took 4 of the kids to lunch. We went to the mall and had lunch at Olga's. My Mom joined us and my Dad gave her money to pay for all of us! It was lots of fun and even though I tried my hardest not to think of you and it being your birthday, I did anyway.

I think I'm doing a bit better than I was before, but I still miss you SO.DARN.MUCH. Some days are worse than others. Some days I just feel like I was socked in the gut and the missing just takes my breath away.

I don't say that you were my everything because I don't think any one person should be another person's everything, but you were my best friend in the world and I could tell you anything. I feel like I lost my left arm because you were that much to me.

I thought of all of the things I would have said to you today if you were here. I would have called you in the morning to wish you a happy birthday and you would have said, "Thank you" in your sexy voice. You always blushed when I told you that, but man you did have a very sexy voice.

Isaiah is getting SO big! You would be so proud of your little guy. I worry that he will forget about you. He was only 6 when you died; that's so young. He recently lost both of his top teeth and he looks so funny with missing teeth. He's missing one of the bottom, too, so he has a very 'toothy' smile. And he keeps trying to fix things, just like you did. I wonder how much of your mechanical abilities he will have. Sometimes I just let him try things to see how he will do and he's fixed several things already.

Every single day I wish you were still here. I love you more than I even knew. I really hope you knew how much I loved you. I loved having dinner together and spending time with you and just being with you. I miss you so darn much!

Happy birthday in heaven.

Your wife, Karyn